My own medicine

I've been talking a lot these days about setting attainable goals. I have a bit of a confession: I don't.

I set impossible goals for myself and make task lists, schedules, reading lists, and milestones that would make a 5-man team groan. I do this because I want to do and be everything and I want it now. Then I experience the crushing disappointment of discovering that I'm not Superman, I'm just Clark.

Does this sound familiar?

But then I read this:

"...let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:4

Perfection isn't a product of frenzy, it is a product of patience. The ESV calls it "steadfastness." Steady, patient, dedicated, enduring, committed, empowered, perfected. They don't sound like me, do they sound like you?

Maybe, if not, don't be discouraged (I say to myself). This is all part of the process of learning to be weak, learning to be humiliated, and letting yourself be made perfect.

(one bite at a time...)

What are the impossible expectations you have of yourself?
How are you learning to be weak?

Broken Expectations (A Love Story)

I want to share with you something that rocked me.

This is a quote from God-sized dreams, a post written by a lovely lady named Holley Gerth. I'm falling in love with her words. Especially these ones:

"It’s a story of broken expectations, of little being much, of nothing working out the way anyone planned."

Now I'm a sucker for a tragedy. I love some good drama, but I wasn't prepared for this story. Because she's talking about Christmas.

Christmas with all the hope and joy? Christmas with the celebration of friends, family, and food? Christmas with the lights and music?

But it's true.

I know it's true because I cried on Christmas Eve. I know it's true because I was mad at Christmas this year. I was mad because I was disappointed and tired when I should have been full of joy and hope. I was mad because God was not meeting my expectations.

He does that doesn't he?

But He doesn't leave it at that. Here are some more words that I'm going to borrow.

“I know, my son, I know. I know, my daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you’ve always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know in moments like this you doubt that I can count the hairs on your head or have your best in mind. But please, I am not done. I have barely started to reveal your life to you. I am the God who satisfies your desires with good things. That is me! And when it comes to your hopes and your fears and your dreams, I know, my son, I know.”
--Jon Acuff, Stuff Christians Like: "The soft X"

Today is Valentine's Day, another holiday intended to be a celebration of love that, amidst saccharin-sweet marketing messages and cheap paper hearts, usually falls short of our expectations.

Expectations are a killer. If we are disappointed often enough, we learn that it is safer not to have them at all. But let me offer you a bit of hope: when God breaks down our expectations, he doesn't leave us alone amidst the rubble. But that doesn't mean that it is any easier; the aftermath of disappointment is always painful and rarely short-lived. Whether we are the ones disappointed or the ones offering comfort, it is important to recognize this.

But here's another thought: The birth of Christ couldn't have fulfilled expectations.

Messiah was a first in history, something that had never occurred before and will never be repeated. Prophets had been sent, kings had been anointed, deliverers had overcome oppression; but there had never been a Messiah before.
If you are a living a life that never disappoints and always meets your expectations, you are living a life without novelty. Unless you are disappointed, this is as good as it is going to get. Maybe your love-life isn't meeting expecations because you weren't designed for a paper-heart romance.

Let your Valentine's day be filled with the freshness of a new kind of love, something unfamiliar and, yes, maybe even painful or frightening. Let Christ break down that house of banality you've built, let Him show you something new.

Can we learn to be disappointed together?

--Sarah Elizabeth

Vocabulary Lesson

I learned a new term last week:

"soft market"

Basically, this refers to a market that has more sellers than buyers. In Econ 101 this translates to "lower prices." Awesome if you're looking for good deal on a used bike, somewhat less awesome if you're trying to sell a house.

After a brief meeting with my realtor on Thursday, I texted my friend Leah:

"God's setting me up to be humbled..."

I say this with a wry smile on my face because, though I know that He's going to prove me wrong, I still can't change my heart.

Yet, it also excites me just a little to know that this is something I would never have believed four years ago. This does not mean that, four years ago, I wouldn't have welcomed the surprise provision of the Lord, but rather that I could not have admitted that I didn't trust him.

Growth

Sometimes it’s painfully slow. Sometimes we move sideways before we move forward. Sometimes we have to be broken down before we are built up again.

Four years ago, even one year ago, I would have told you that I was exactly where God wanted me to be, that I was happy in that place. But the truth is that God had called me to higher ground and I was afraid. I didn’t see how I could walk to that place without stumbling or failing outright. So I stopped walking on His path. I started laying out my own side paths along the leveler ground.

I bought a house.

I walked into a situation, led by my fear and pride rather than the Lord. But this is one situation I cannot control; God has to perform a little real estate miracle and that puts me in an uncomfortable position.

I have to trust Him.

Ah trust, remember that one?

God lays a path and He shows us the steps to take, but only He can give us the grace to walk. When our path starts going uphill, we have two options. We can start walking, knowing our strength will fail, or we can decide that we’re satisfied with less than God’s plan.

Four years ago, I chose the second option. I chose to accept less rather than give God permission to disappoint me or even humble me.

For the first time in my life, I see the insufficiency of my strength…but I’m walking.

And that’s exciting.

So...wanna buy a house?

--Sarah Elizabeth

Patience and Perfection

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:4 NKJV

I have trouble finishing things; I am a natural born quitter. I dont just mean I'm a quitter when things get difficult, I quit when things get moderately uninteresting.

So you can imagine how easy it would be for me to say, "God, you know this Trust thing? Well I think I'm done. Thanks anyway, though!"

"Do you ever just want to walk out of your life?" I asked a friend.

But there is a snag that we find in this verse in James. God makes us a promise here: that, if we will simply let patience exist in us, an amazing thing will happen:

We will be complete. Whole. Perfect.

(That's pretty good incentive.)

The part I find fascinating is that it is the act of being patient that will work a miracle in us. Wholeness is a natural product of patience. I am reminded of the miracle of a baby.

A pregnant woman does not need to struggle every day to knit together the little human inside of her, she simply allows the natural process to take place. It certainly affects her in strange, sometimes scary, and often uncomfortable ways, but if she will simply allow the natural process to have its perfect work in her, a perfect little child is the natural result.

Defects and problems happen when something hampers the process, either by the choice of the mother, sickness, an accident, or by a sad chance of genetics. But the intended, natural product of pregnancy is a healthy baby.

Likewise, the offspring of patience is wholeness.

So my desperate prayer is that I would not abort the process of patience in my life, that no accident or weakness in me would prevent the birth of wholeness and perfection in my life. Like an uncomfortable, nauseated, and exhausted mother (am I being overly dramatic here?), I can feel the effects of the thing growing inside me.

But quitting would be a tragedy.

So I hold on to that promise and I pray you would to. Because the One who plants the seed of perfection in us is not a quitter.

--Sarah Elizabeth

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Bring it On

Sometimes I don't like God very much.

I used to think it was just that I didn't like the Old Testament God, that God of the law full of wrath and judgment, and that I preferred the meek and mild New Testament Jesus who would grow up, heal the sick, forgive sinners and die on a cross for me.

OT God does things that I don't understand, like hardening the heart of Pharaoh:

And the Lord said to Moses, "When you go back to Egypt, see that you do all those wonders before Pharaoh which I have put in your hand. But I will harden his heart, so that he will not let the people go. Ex 4:21 

This passage has plagued me for ages. Like the testing of Job, it reveals an aspect of God that I cannot understand that, frankly, just seems kind of mean. Don't sit there talking about "context" and the mysteriousness or sovereignty of God, pretending you don't agree with me. This isn't like the predestined for salvation brain teaser game we often play, arguing that God "foreknew" who would choose salvation. God is not like Biff Tannin and his ill-gotten sports almanac, simply betting the ones He knew would choose Him anyway. God takes ownership of Pharaoh's hard heart.

We can maybe forgive God for the Pharaoh incident because, let's face it, Pharaoh wasn't exactly a saint. He made slaves of God's Beloved and he did not fear God to begin with. Job we may have a tougher time with because he was one of the good guys. But, since it was actually Satan doing the afflicting and everything turned out alright for Job in the end, we can still get over it.

It’s God's unapologetic manner that we choke on.

Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer Me...Would you indeed annul My judgment? Would you condemn Me that you may be justified? Job 38:2-3, 40:8

"For the Scripture says to the Pharaoh, "For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth." Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens. You will say to me then "Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?" But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?"  Romans 9:17-22

Okay, OT God is kind of a jerk. It's a good thing I live in the NT Jesus era, right?

Not right. 

And the disciples came and said to Him "Why do you speak to them in parables?" He answered and said to them, "Because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. Therefore I speak to them in parables because seeing they do not see and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. and in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says: 'Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, and seeing you will see and not perceive; for the hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing and their eyes they have closed lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn so that I should heal them'" Mt 13:10-15

For I say to you, that to everyone who has will be given; and from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him, Luke 19:26

Hold up, how did OT God's words find their way into the mouth of the sweet baby Jesus?

I made what was probably a bad joke earlier about bible scholars using "context" as an excuse for God's actions. Let me dig myself out a little bit by saying context really does matter. Scholarly exegesis does shine some light on the actions of God in these passages and that light can also bring us some peace, so please don't think that I really don't respect these things.

My point here is that both Old-Covenant-Jehovah and Jesus-the-Christ say some things that are really difficult. These passages reveal a side of God that challenges our understanding of God's justice and purpose and God makes no apology for them. He does not wish us to coat these passages with some chocolately verses on grace to hide the bitter taste. Neither does He want us to grit our teeth like a martyr and swallow the nasty pill. He wants us to truly know every aspect of Him and to love Him more for knowing.

I have to make a confession at this point: I am not in a very faithful frame of mind. The past few months have not been the most exemplary of my Jesus-career. I have questioned God extensively about my life and why the desires He's placed in my heart continue to exist outside of my grasp. At the beginning of the year I agreed to go on a journey with God toward trusting Him more but I haven't taken the first few steps of that journey with grace. But I also believe that, because I do not currently have a rosy attitude toward God, these lessons will be richer and more meaningful.

So I'll admit, sometimes, especially now, I don't particularly like God. I don't like these passages. But there is one more that I want to share that has brought me a bit of peace.

Then the Lord said to Moses, "Rise early in the morning and stand before Pharaoh, and say to him, 'Thus says the Lord God of the Hebrews: "...if I had stretched out My hand and struck you and your people with pestilence, then you would have been cut off from the earth.”But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth. As yet you exalt yourself against My people in that you will not let them go."'" Ex 9:13-21

God still makes no apology to Pharaoh or to us for hardening Pharaoh's heart, but He does something unexpected here:

he tells Pharaoh exactly what He is doing.

He says to Him, point blank, that He could have simply destroyed him, but that He is instead using Him as a vessel for His wrath, a tool to make his name famous in all the earth.

God hardens Pharaoh's heart, but He also tells him what He's doing.

I can't go back and ask Pharaoh why, even after God let's Him in on the plan, He endures four more plagues before letting the people go and then decides to chase them through the wilderness only to be drowned in the Red Sea. I don't know if Pharaoh, in fact, could have done any differently than He did. But I do know that I have a bible in front of me that clearly shows me that there are times when God does difficult things that seem to lead us into sin and then He holds us accountable for it. I may not understand why, but it gives me some peace to know that God is at least honest about it.

Would you think me odd if I told you that this gives me an odd kind of thrill? If I shared with you that, reading these passages last night, I thought to myself, "Aight, God, it’s on!" would you think that sacrilegious?

Though my initial thought was, I admit, a bit cavalier, let me give you an exhortation nevertheless:

When God sets an impossible situation in front of you, instead of crying out against God for His unreasonable demands, why not accept the challenge?

If you've walked with God for any length of time, I guarantee that you've experience His goodness and grace. You know that God is good or you wouldn't be here. Don't you think that His goodness even extends through this impossible situation? Why not be bold and make a sucker bet on that goodness?

Be wild, step into the lion's den with me and say:

"Okay God you brought me here. I might be ripped to pieces and the spectators may mock my idiocy, but I will not be an easy mark like Pharaoh and exalt myself against You. I will not cry out against You so I can be rebuked like Job. I refuse to walk away from my faith and be condemned because of it.

Bring it on, Mufasa."

--Sarah Elizabeth

Trust: The Highlights

I took the first week of  Twenty'Leven off from blogging, and pretty much everything else, to really pray and seek the Lord on His plans for my life, specifically for this year. These prayers revolved around my One Word for 2011, "Trust." It really was a great fruitful time of prayer, but I am struggling to distill this all down to something meaningful that I can share.

Last year, 2010, my One Word was "Unshakable" and 2010 was a year that truly was shaken so that only those things which were unshakable remained (Hebrews 12:24-29). I compared myself to a bare concrete foundation This year, God has made it fairly clear that He doesn't want me to build on that foundation; He is going to be the Builder.

Thus, this year I have two verses guiding my One Word:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it..." Psalm 127:1

Now to the awkward summary of the past week.

Over the past 2 weeks, several things have happened of varying degree of importance:

• God gave my my One Word for the year
• God broke down my expectations for the next 5 years.
• I read the Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns (which, sadly, has been sitting on my bookshelf for over a year)
• I began fighting my way out of a 2 month long period of what some people would call "depression", some would call "Seasonal Affective Disorder", and some would "spiritual warfare," but what I choose call "a funk."
• Someone from my sleepy little town won over 70 million dollars
• I discovered that I am not going to Switzerland for the summer (I know, you didn't even know I was going! Well, I'm not so...)

So, how then do all these things fit together? In many, many words. There are so many words, in fact, that I have a suspicion that they are mine and not God's so I am going to spare you the long version and give you another bullet list of the "takeaways" from the past few weeks.

• I don't trust God
• I've created a false image of God
• I am afraid of not having money
• I worship God with my writing
• I must write to worship God
• I live in a "Culture of Affluence"
• I love music
• I love kids
• I am going to Haiti

Instead of sharing with you the path to all of these conclusions right now, I'm going to give it to you in pieces. This is partly because I'm embarrassed by how long the post would be otherwise, and partly because God is still working it all out.

So there you go, the highlights of a simultaneously confusing and enlightening few weeks. Looking forward to sharing it all with you



Next Post: I'm Not THAT Person

Bearing with one another...

If you haven’t noticed, I’m in a bit of a series dealing with suffering. This wasn’t intentional; it just happens that this subject has been coming up a lot in my thoughts, life, and personal devotions. Not to worry, compassionate friends, I am just fine :o) God has just chosen this “season” (if you will forgive my adding to the overuse of that word) to teach me a little bit about dealing with pain.

One of the most difficult tasks before us is dealing with the pain of others. Nothing brings a person to the door of the church so quickly as suffering and the first questions asked of us, as ambassadors or grace and image bearers of God, is “Why?”

Pain is always hard, even (or perhaps especially) when its not our own. There are no easy answers, and there are no quick solutions. This is a hard truth to accept and even harder to communicate. The best words to say are not always clear but perhaps the worst thing we can do is give a glib or pat answer to a person who is suffering through a pain we are not experiencing. This is complicated still further when the words that we believe to be so full of comfort fail to actually bring comfort.

The trouble is that the scripture truths that give us so much assurance and comfort during times of peace are clogged and clouded by the emotional pain and confusion that comes during an actual trial. You may read a scripture and see that God promises beauty for ashes and joy with the morning. While this promise is true, you have to remember that hope is so much harder to see when you’re actually in the ashes. The tear-filled night is the longest when you’re desperately wishing for the morning.

So what do we do after we’ve read the bible truths and the fire is still raging? Do we just say them all over again? Paul gives us some insight:

“I…beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,” Ephesians 4:2

Listen to the characteristics he uses here: lowliness, gentleness, longsuffering, and, above all, bearing with one another in love. If we are to be worthy of the calling of Christ, we absolutely must demonstrate humility, gentleness, and patience to one another in all situations. This concept is mentioned again:

“bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” Galatians 6:1
Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. 1 Thess 5:4

How often do we barge into the midst of a trial that is not ours, the weight of which we have not borne, expecting to offer a miracle cure for the pain it brings? We confidently extend the promises of God like a lifeline and are puzzled when the pain continues. Sadly, that horrible impotent feeling we experience as bystanders can lead us to vent our frustrations on the one we were just trying to comfort. “Fine then!” we throw up our hands in defeat, “You refuse to be comforted, so you just sit there and whine about it!”

Oh shame on us for failing to demonstrate lowliness and gentleness! As one who struggles to tame her tongue, I understand how difficult this can be when you know (or think you know) what the bible answer is. But it is so much easier to rattle off a scripture than it is to bear with your brother or sister in the midst of their pain as they experience the truth of that scripture. I believe the truth is not that they refuse be comforted but that we cannot bear the pain so we abandon the situation.

If we are to bear with our brother in love we must also remember that “Love suffers long and is kind…” 1 Corinthians 13:4

We have to remember that we see dimly now, we cannot fully understand the purposes and plans of God in and through suffering. Tossing out scriptures, as if they possess a magical power to dissolve the pain of a difficult situation, is immature and, in truth, lazy. Words don't help the pain, that comfort comes directly from the Spirit of God and we can't control Him and we can't make promises that He'll behave a certain way.

Do speak truth. Do seek the scriptures for hope and promises and extend that hope to the suffering. But we are not given permission to stop there, don't throw out the promises and leave your brother alone in his ashes. Sit with him, weep with him, and watch for the morning together.