A Letter to Serena Woods

My friend Rachel introduced me to Serena Woods a while ago. Serena is one of those ladies that instantly catches my heart: the splash-makers, the word-mongers, the misfits, the broken, the grace-lovers, the scripture-queens, and the ones who deeply love Jesus. Visit her blog at graceisforsinners.com, she's a firecracker.

I started writing this in an email but I wanted some more input from you all. Plus it gives me a chance to plug her stuff, because I think it's pretty cool.

Dear Serena,

Forgive me in advance for being wordy, I am not gifted with brevity :)

I have loved my time in the blogging world because it often feels like I am hanging out with a bunch of friends. I enjoy reading your blog because, as my friend Dan Merchant says, "you make me feel less crazy." Your struggles with life, church and culture make me feel like I am not the only one who "doesn't fit." Thank you for that.

If we don't get to be real-life friends, please come find me in heaven. FYI, I'll probably be hanging out with the guys, and I will be talking too much.

I'm writing this to you because I feel like we're good friends already and there is something that has been bothering me ever since we met. Not "bothering" in a "please stop saying 'supposably'" kind of way but something that I think is not quite right. I can say this to you without malice and with humility because the reason I recognize it in your words is I have heard it so often in my own. 

I know you've been deeply wounded by the church and by people who are supposed to be God's ambassadors. But there are times when I think that you may be too eager to burn those bridges.

I have no problem with challenging the institution, I enjoy it in fact (too much, maybe). I think we do need to be shaken from our "rigor mortis" at times. But I think just maybe your response to the failures of the church is a little misguided. See, girls like us can get passionate about our causes, especially when people are being hurt. We can get overzealous and end up causing further harm. I know I have.

For example, you said in Grace is For Sinners that you would be happy not going to church. You also said in a recent post that there are times when God calls you out of community to benefit your spiritual growth, that "sometimes God calls you into a wilderness where you feel disconnected from everyone else."

I agree...kind of.

See, you're right that God called Jesus, John the Baptist, and Moses out into the wilderness for a time, but don't forget that He called them back. And where did He send them? Moses didn't go back to preach to the Egyptions, Jesus didn't go to the Parthenon. They went back to God's people.

Because God loves his people. He loves his dirty, messed up, adulterous Bride.

I think if we were sitting down to coffee together you'd be nodding your head right now, am I right?

The reason I'm writing this is to ask you to have a little more grace with the Body of Christ, I don't mean the cultural institution of church, but the fallen, broken, legalistic people in those churches. The people trying to be godly people, trying to do the right thing, who have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Because, as screwed up and hurtful as they we can be, Christ has chosen them us to be His hands and feet in His absence.

One of the major issues addressed in the epistles is divisions in the church. 

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Eph 4:11-16 

I think the Church does need to be shaken, but I don't think the way to do that is to walk outside and start breaking windows. I think you come inside the church. I think you go to bible studies and potlucks. You plant seeds, you challenge norms. You have those difficult conversations in bible studies; not to create division but to sow truth. You hang out with the people because they matter. They aren't going to hear what you have to say if you have abandoned them.

1 John 5:1 says "Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of Him," (emphasis added).

A man I respect very much, Jerry Cook, made another important observation: Jesus never spoke and made people sick, Jesus never touched someone and killed them. Jesus Christ always brings life and hope. 

The Church may frustrate and even enfuriate me at times but I am not allowed to simply jump ship if I don't find the fit comfortable or even nuturing, because the Church is ME. More importantly, loving the church is loving the Father. God wants His kids to love each other, to have grace with each other, because we're sinners too.

I don't believe it is your heart to wound the people of the church as you, yourself, were wounded, but I fear it may creep into your ministry; we are all in danger of this. Please take care that it doesn't, because this message, your message, is too important.

My prayers are over you, your family and your ministry.

Much love to you,

-Sarah Elizabeth

Review: As We Forgive Documentary

I heard about As We Forgive, a Laura Waters Hinson documentary, through Land of 1000 Hills Coffee. The film is about an hour long and documents the experiences of two Rwandan women who lived through the 1994 genocide and then, 15 years later, came face to face with the men who had murdered their families.

From asweforgive.com:

The subjects of As We Forgive speak for a nation still wracked by the grief of a genocide that killed one in eight Rwandans in 1994. Overwhelmed by an enormous backlog of court cases, the government has returned over 50,000 genocide perpetrators back to the very communities they helped to destroy. Without the hope of full justice, Rwanda has turned to a new solution: Reconciliation.

A few months ago, I talked about the film, though I hadn't yet seen it, you can read my original post here: Painful Grace: As We Forgive, the movie. I actually watched the film a few weeks later.


I'm not sure how to describe it, it was as challenging as you would expect a documentary about genocide, murder, and reluctant forgiveness to be. But I admit, I was a bit surprised by how not emotional it was not. To be sure, it was an emotionally challenging film, but not to the degree I expected. I don't know if this was intentional but I think I am pleased by this.

Perhaps because it didn't rely on heavy-handed emotionalism, As We Forgive manages to be more thought-provoking than heartbreaking. I found myself considering what forgiveness looks like outside of the heart. I talk a lot about grace and forgiveness conceptually, but practically forgiveness is not always tears, pain, or peace. In fact, perhaps the most important part of forgiveness happens after you decide to forgive, when you translate it from your heart into your hands.

Sometimes forgiveness is building a house for the child of a man you murdered. Sometimes forgiveness is allowing a murderer to move back into his old village or to thresh your sorghum crop for you. Sometimes forgiveness begins with screaming at the one you hate.

I was intrigued by the decision of the Rwandan government to release the prisoners. As a Christian, I have been taught that forgiveness is obligatory but, more importantly, forgiveness is necessary for healing. I was surprised, which is now kind of embarassing, that a government organization would recognize that forgiveness was an important part of healing a nation.

Perhaps I was surprised because I have never experienced social fracturing on a national scale. I cannot imagine living in a nation where half of my friends and neighbors had not only collectively declared that I was subhuman, but committed murder and committed it against me. The anger and pain of these actions drove a wedge down the middle of the nation that could not be removed by punishing the offenders. They decided, then, that the only way to heal the nation was to forgive them.

It makes me think of a passage in the book Waterlily by Ella Cara Doloria. In this section a circle of Dakota Native Americans are considering what to do with a man in their community who murdered another man. The father of the murdered man can, according to their law, require the murderer's death. He decides instead to adopt the murder into their family to actually fill the place of the lost son. By choosing to extend this radical grace, they stop the cycle of pain and vengeance and find freedom from hate and bitterness.

More than emotionally stirring, I found As We Forgive interesting, practical and thoughtful. I was left wondering how I could use the practical tools modeled in the film and I think that is the strongest compliment I could give.

If you have seen the film, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

God 1: Sarah...1?

There are some bible verses that I absolutely hate.

I know, I'm a Christian and I'm supposed to love the whole of the word of God. I think, underneath, perhaps I really do, but, frequently, I hate pieces of it.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5

I hate this verse.

I hate it because, in 10 words, it describes exactly what I am not. It is the "antonym of me," if you want to get all David Crowder.

I hate it because I find my security in my self-sufficiency. I survive failure and weakness by ducking my head and then systematically digging myself out of my circumstances. Do whatever it takes; lie, cheat, or steal, whatever you have to do, just so long as you don't have to ask for help.

There is only one situation where in I am meek, and this is the worst part. I am meek only when I am utterly humiliated. When I am laid bare, stripped of my pretense, when my inability is made painfully obvious and I am left desperate and empty handed.

When my insufficiency drives me to the grace of God, instead of longing for His aid, like the prodigal son, I begin to resent it. I hate that He has driven me to nothing, or rather to admit my nothingness. I hide my face from the world, come before my creditors shame-faced begging that they will not look at me.

I hate this place of humility, of painful meekness, with a passion and I avoid it like a deadly infectious disease.

You see, the very reason that I don't like meekness is that meek people are tamed. I think of a benign placid cow or a sheep, who wants to be a cow or a sheep? Where is the honor in that? Stupid. Weak. Unable to care for itself. These are characteristics that, whatever I may say about loving the bible, I do not respect and never want to be.

But what about a wild ox or ram? They may be majestic and powerful, but can you use them? How can God use a person who refuses gentling, who doesn't trust a Master and instead insists on doing this is own way? Would I rather be honorable and proud or useful?

"But the fruit of the spirit is...meekness" Galatians 5:23
"Any tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 3:9

I learned something when I went into the woods. I learned that until I can love the humiliation of God, until I can love my meekness and insufficiency, I'm useless. Hopelessly handicapped. I prayed with a truly fearful heart, that God would humble me, that he would do whatever He needed to do to make me useful. That was not a prayer that ended in serenity.

It didn't take long.

I was humiliated today. I faced an impossible situation, nothing too dramatic, but definitely something I couldn't overcome. It became obvious that I needed to ask for help, and this tore me apart inside. What was, initially, a very insignificant problem swelled to life-crushing proportions simply because I knew I needed help. Still I desperately searched for a way to help myself, knowing in the back of my mind that I was very close to having a serious breakdown over a ridiculously small issue.

Now for the good news.

As desperation tied my guts in to tighter and tighter knots of nausea, I heard the voice. The one that said there was a bigger issue here, that my pride and self-sufficiency were doing a dangerous thing in my heart and needed to be disabled quickly. Instead of looking for a way out, I needed to admit my weakness and not just to God. So I did the impossible: I called for help.

Because, as I said, it really was not much of an issue, the help was there before I even asked. I chafed over the ready-grace. I cried tears of shame and the sick feeling in my guts remained as my pride rejected the act of meekness.

But the beautiful paradox is that the reason I am so sickened by this outcome is that I lost this fight, and, if I lose...

...God wins.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness...for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

Painful grace: As We Forgive the movie

Over the past few days/months/years have been struggling with the idea of God's radical and irrational love and grace for us. That may sound silly, how can grace or love ever be the cause for strife?

Forgiveness involves sin, failure, pride, humility, and selflessness. These are not easy things.
Giving as well as receiving grace can be an intensely difficult, even painful thing and people respond to forgiveness in unpredictable ways. There are times when you will be ridiculed or even chastised for extending love and forgiveness to the undeserving. There will also be times when you will be the one chastising others for forgiving.

Love, grace, forgiveness, and justice. These are not simple matters. But we must believe that love covers a multitude of sins and that our God truly is the father of mercies.

Film is one of my favorite artistic mediums. So I was incredibly excited when I heard about As We Forgive, an independent documentary film by Laura Waters Hinson which portrays this kind of radical messy forgiveness through the lives of those effected by the 1994 genocide in Rwanda.

Could you forgive a person who murdered your family? This is the question faced by the subjects of As We Forgive, a documentary about Rosaria and Chantal—two Rwandan women coming face-to-face with the men who slaughtered their families during the 1994 genocide. The subjects of As We Forgive speak for a nation still wracked by the grief of a genocide that killed one in eight Rwandans in 1994. Overwhelmed by an enormous backlog of court cases, the government has returned over 50,000 genocide perpetrators back to the very communities they helped to destroy. Without the hope of full justice, Rwanda has turned to a new solution: Reconciliation.  

But can it be done? Can survivors truly forgive the killers who destroyed their families? Can the government expect this from its people? And can the church, which failed at moral leadership during the genocide, fit into the process of reconciliation today? In As We Forgive, director Laura Waters Hinson and narrator Mia Farrow explore these topics through the lives of four neighbors once caught in opposite tides of a genocidal bloodbath, and their extraordinary journey from death to life through forgiveness.

-- Synopsis from www.asweforgivemovie.com 

I haven't yet seen this film yet but I am very excited to do so. You can purchase DVDs for $15 here. I believe asweforgivemove.com is still offering exhibition screening opportunities if you would like a more theatrical experience.

If you have seen the film already I would love to hear your thoughts! Even if you haven't seen it, I would still love to hear your thoughts about forgiveness.

Love Hurts

Love hurts, love scars,

love wounds and marks

any heart not tough

or strong enough

to take a lot of pain.

 

I remember hearing someone talking about a “confrontation” they had initiated. After hearing a recap of the point by point dressing-down they had given to a friend regarding a certain sin-issue, I said, “Ouch!”

“Well, sometimes love hurts,” was their reply.

Love hurts. Somehow, I’m not sure that’s the correct interpretation of the phrase.

Would you think with me to your lowest point, to that horrible moment when someone found out that you had lied, cheated, stolen, gossiped, drank, smoked, laughed at a dirty joke, kicked a dog, said a curse word, lost your virginity, or looked longingly at a pretty woman who wasn't your wife. When your pride kicked your feet out from under you, and condemnation stole your breath, what pulled you out? What brought you back?

Was it a hard line? Was it the absolute holiness of God represented by the "discernment" of your brothers and sisters?

Let me take a time-out here to talk directly to the scholars: don't hide your actions behind Greek semantics, I took that class too. The difference between judgment and discernment is internal; I'm talking about perceptible actions.

OR, was it the grace of God represented by the agape love your received?

Love hurts? Doesn’t love cover our sins? (Prov 10:7)

This is not to say that sin does not require repentance, but, whenever the phrase "He/She needs to repent of his/her sin" is on our lips, we absolutely MUST remember that it is the kindness of God that BRINGS that repentance (Rom 2:1-4) not the dictate that repentance is necessary. 

Even those who have never read a bible know that sin requires repentance. It is not only the best publicized truth of Christian faith, but it is also one of the most universal social truths; there is rarely a need to say it. Yes you read that correctly, I’m saying that when someone’s sin is exposed, they do not need you to point out their sin and tell them to repent.

I already hear the reply: "But what if they are ignorant?" I’m going to be bold here and say, in 99 out of 100 cases, they aren’t. Most often, if someone denies their sin, they are not ignorant of it; rather their pride or pain has built up a rigid defensive wall against condemnation.

If you're hoping to help someone find repentence, there are two ways to get rid of this wall. You could get a sledge hammer or a wrecking ball to tear it down. However you will most definitely injure the soul hiding behind the wall. The other option is to coax the soul to open the gate to you, walk inside, and help them to deconstruct the wall, brick by brick.

Obviously, demolition is quicker and easier (and funner!) than deconstruction, but I’ve done a little demolition, so let me point something else out: you don’t demo something that you want to keep.

Love hurts. Does that mean love hurts the one receiving the love?

Regardless of the state of our hearts during our time wandering in the desert, regardless of whether we humbled ourselves and confessed or were humbled when we were caught, while we are sin, there is a place in our hearts crying out to God and to the people around us:

“Please! Know my sin and love me anyway!  I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to do so, please, let me walk into the light covered in dirt and love me anyway! Please don’t leave me!”

Oh, but how can we? How can we love you without touching your dirt? It’s embarrassing to talk about it. For that matter, how can we know your sin and not gossip about it? How can we listen to your difficult questions when we don’t have the answers? How can we listen to the screams of your flesh when you’re going through your sin-detox? What about the times when you’re mean to us? What about when your broken pride makes you lash out and accuse us? How can we pick you up when you keep falling down?

Love hurts. Isn’t it more accurate to say love hurts the one extending the love?

Don’t be fooled, friends. Grace isn't weak, it isn't soft. Extending love, acceptance, and forgiveness to a person who doesn't deserve it will be the single most difficult thing you will EVER do, if you don't think so, I have a Jewish carpenter with some wicked-looking scars who I'd like you to meet.

Yes, sometimes love hurts.


--Sarah Elizabeth

A Man After God's Own Heart

Above his notoriety for his many psalms of praise, his dramatic ascension to the throne from humble beginnings, and even the painful incident with Bathsheba, David was known as a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22). The mystery is, why? What was it about David that made him not only a chosen servant of God but also a man after his own heart?

Abraham, the Patriarch, was not called a man after God's own heart nor was Moses, the Giver of the law and perhaps the humblest man in history. The apostle Paul, to whom Jesus himself made a special appearance, who authored even more books of the bible than Moses, was not called a man after God's own heart.

So, why David?

Why, more than any other man, do we associate David with the Messiah? Why was David given so many prophetic words through his music so that it seemed that he felt a foreshadowing of the very pain of our Savior? Why was Jesus called "son of David?"

It certainly was not because he was such a great King. He was the weakest son of a shepherd, a skinny poet. He was not particularly dignified (1 Sam 6). It took years for the people to accept David as their leader once he was chosen and even after that he was driven from the throne by his own son (2 Samuel 15). It was not because he was a moral success, his affair with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband, an honorable and courageous soldier, is evidence of his weakness to his own passions. So why would God call him a man after His own heart?

I’ve wondered and a mused on the meaning that phrase, “a man after God’s own heart,” for a while now. My thoughtless assumption is that David was more like God, than any other and that is why he earned such a title. Could such an inconsistent and moral failure of a man really be described as “like God?” What does that say about God’s heart?

After much wrestling, I still don’t have a complete understanding of what God meant when he said that, but I think it may be that, simply, David was in pursuit of God’s heart. He was, literally, chasing after God’s heart. Not withholding even his fears and frustrations, David threw his heart and soul upon the Lord. He confesses his love, desires, fears, pain, frustrations, and even his anger to the Lord in a raw honesty that you rarely see today.

I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears (Ps 6:6)

I am weary with my crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God (Ps 69:3)

I spread out my hands to You; my soul longs for You like a thirsty land (Ps 143:6)

David wasn’t a perfect man, he wasn’t even, by our standards, a good man, but he was desperate for God. And this is, I think, the key.

David's passion for the Lord and his fierce desire to see Him glorified is apparent throughout his psalms. Seven times in the psalms, he speaks about doing something for the Lord's "name's sake." psalm 42:3 says, "My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God?" and again in 115:2, "Wherefore should the heathen say, ‘Where is now their God?’"

David called to the LORD for judgment upon those that persecuted His people for the glory of His name. Yet he was not afraid to be tested himself; "search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me." He was distressed by evil and truly delighted with the truth.

Without a doubt, David brought dishonor to God throughout his life. But he desperately desired to honor Him. He was broken by his sin and couldn’t bear to be separated from God’s heart. His love for God welled up him, making him shameless. He was an unapologetic mess of emotions and passions, but oh how he truly loved his God!

This could be the end of this post, maybe it should be because, after this, things get a little...shaky. But I have this secret thought skirting the edges of my mind, It is a hazy thought, one I don’t completely understand but, all the same, believe is a Truth that could utterly change the way that I, the way we, think about God.

What if God likes the mess? What if, God help me, He creates the mess?

What if God, choosing to show His wrath and make His power known, bore with great patience the objects of His wrath [which are] prepared for destruction? (Rom 9:22)

I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the Lord, do all these things, (Isa 45:7)

What does this say about our God? What does it say that He is honored as much (if not more) by the messy and volatile love of his children as He is by their constant faithful obedience? How can he possibly be honored by a screw-up like me?

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us (1 Cor 4:7)

He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and things that are not- to nullify the thing that are, (1 Cor 1:28)

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9)

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness (2 Cor 11:30)

What does this say about our God? I’m not entirely sure but, speaking as a self-proclaimed mess of a girl, it gives me hope.

--Sarah Elizabeth

The Truth of Grace

"You answered them, O Lord our God; You were to them God-Who-Forgives, though You took vengeance on their deeds." Psalm 99:8

Moses, Aaron, and Samuel interacted with God on behalf of the people of Israel and, in effect, represent them in this instance. Like the whole of the people, they led very imperfect lives (Moses was a murderer and Aaron built the golden calf in the desert). Yet they also represent the magnificent forgiveness and grace of God for, imperfect though they were, they called upon the Lord and He answered them. This is not a testimony of their holiness but of God's grace and forgiveness.

It is significant here that the psalm mentions the vengeance of the Lord. God was not blind to the sin is the people He was both very aware of their sin and absolutely intolerant of it. It is not in the nature of God to overlook sin, He always sees it , His holiness demands unyielding and honest judgement.

God's holiness is emphasized throughout this psalm (v 3, 5, 9) He is praiseworthy because He is absolutely holy. If God did not, by His very nature, draw a clear distinction between good and evil, He would not be worthy of praise. Holiness is distinction.

We err when we believe forgiveness to be overlooking or downplaying sin. How many times I respond to an apology by saying, "Oh, it's no problem. It wasn't that big of a deal," when, truly, it was! My false evaluation and guilt-soothing lies are not forgiveness, they are a manifestation of a social politeness that is uncomfortable with honesty, guilt, and conflict. This does not exemplify God's forgiveness or grace; God does not play this game.

Rather, He sees the full extent of our sin, more clearly, even, than we can, and chooses, even as He exacts vengeance on our sin, to answer us when we call to Him. You cannot see the pure devastating truth of God's grace us you don't also see His unyielding holiness and the gravity of our sin. Only then can you understand what it means to forgive and appreciate the pure truth of His grace.

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Good Morning, Jesus

good morning!
Jesus woke me up this morning at 4 am (woohoo!) but i must admit it was not in the most gentle of ways. i do not dream every night, in fact until recently i have dreamed very little. or maybe i just do not remember my dreams. as of late i have been dreaming more often, but that could be due to the fact that i'm always eating right before bed ("yes there's more to gravy than grave about you!" ten points! anyone?).

in any case, more often than not my dreams are weird and kind of frightening. last night is a swirl of overlapping stories as dreams often are, in my case involving weird forms of torture, death, and hate crimes. i know...lovely. in the final 'scene' i found myself standing knee deep in water, facing away from the shoreline. i was one of dozens of people who were dressed in black robes about to be executed be men dressed in white robes. the interesting thing was that i was the only white person dressed in black. you can probably already picture what the robes of the men in white looked like. i can't exactly remember what my crime was, but i think it had to do with being associated with the African Americans who were standing with me. i knew that we all were about to be executed by the hundreds of klansmen behind us. i started singing, a medley of the gospel songs of my parents era, traditional slave songs, hymns, and contemporary christian worship songs (yes yes, i was singing hillsong songs- apparently my id is a bigger fan than my ego-yes i realize its an inappropriate application of the term 'id' i just wanted to sound smart). i was struck again and again by the hooded man nearest me, falling over and over into the water. it was more hilarious than inspiring, i must tell you, especially when i started singing "undignified" dripping with water and laughing like an idiot. i was a bit giddy and most definitely out of tune. i think i was halfway awake when i started screaming "do not fear the one who can kill your body but kill the one who after death has the power to cast into hell" and "is not a sparrow sold for three copper coins? i tell you not a sparrow will fall without the father knowing. yet the very hairs of your head are numbered. do not fear! you are worth more than many sparrows."

i woke up scared for a few minutes, processing the dreams that i could remember. i saw that it was only four but i was wide awake, and didn't really care to continue dreaming so i got up. so here i am three cups of coffee later, listening to keith green, trying to make sense of the many things that are running through my head. it seems that i am at the convergence of many concepts.

i have been reading "what's so amazing about grace" by phillip yancey (for about 2 years) and this morning was reading about christian political involvement and the folly therein (he says it much more kindly). about this same time i listened to "the sheep and the goats" on of my favorite kg songs which is all about practicing his agape love to others. at the same time i have been on this 'being the church to the world' kick. the undercurrent of all this being, if God's love and grace is so radical and moving inside me-why is the world not changing? why aren't christians loving more radically? why am i not loving more radically?? this book has been recommended to me by several people. it says in the back that this book was awarded the christian book of the year. marvelous. what's the point of an amazing book, or rather a moving exposition of a revolutionary (if ancient) idea, if it doesn't not move or revolutionize it? i thought to myself, how can so many people read this and be unchanged? immediately a voice asks "well why aren't you changed?" perhaps that puts too much responsibility on the book, a better questions is "why aren't you changing (yourself)?"

many have said in response to the grace/works seeming contradiction that works are an inevitable expression of grace. well that may be true but it is definitely not an equivalent expression. a bushel of grace yields a teaspoon of works.

this internal struggle to reconcile the revival in my heart with the lack of change in my life, the amazing movement back to the heart of Christ that i see in my peers with the accelerated decay of society, the amazing grace i experience with the decreasing amount of grace expressed in the world; this struggle i feel lines up besides the message of a truly amazing grace expressed by a brother which lines up beside the exhortation of another brother which lines up beside my dream this morning. what does it all say together? i'm still figuring it out but here's my best assessment thus far.

I think the single best representation of hate, ungrace, and the antithesis of Jesus Christ is the white-robed klansmen. this is not a conviction or belief, its just an impression. African Americans are certainly not the only victims of hate in the history of the world, i think in this dream it was just the best representation of the casualties of 'reckless hate' (thank you, king Theoden- funny that the answer to your question in that case was to kill the haters). the sad truth is that when i was thinking about the dream, it was not the world that was wearing the white robes and the church that was facing death at their hands, but the other way around. it was the Lost, dressed in black, facing execution at the hands of 'Christians' dressed piously in the white robes reminiscent of 'whitewashed tombs'.

so what's the message? well i can't verbalize it well though i have been trying for about an hour. this was just the picture that woke me up this morning.

God save me from living today as if i were Unchanged.

"woe to you, scribes and pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." mt 23:27