learning to love

i have not even begun to learn what sacrificial love means. oh God forgive me for ever preaching of something that i know not of, or rather, thank you for teaching me? thank you for giving me an opportunity to learn what it’s like to give when you feel like taking; to act out love in a time when i simply want to be loved. oh God i feel so empty, so ill equipped. all i want to do is curl up and nurse my own pain. to close around myself and think about how i feel. to be cared for by others. but i feel so strongly Lord that you have called us to minister to others with the comfort that we have experienced. maybe Lord, i have not experienced enough pain to know your comfort? i am willing, no eager father, to be refined, to be prepared to love yours more deeply. Lord, i would know the fellowship or your suffering to also know the power of your resurrection. what does that mean? what is the power of your resurrection in life? i know the effect your resurrection had on death and ‘damnation’ when i die i will truly know the power of your resurrection, and a similar resurrection in myself. but what does your power over death, have to do with living? the power of the second resurrection doesn’t take effect until after we die so what does it mean in life. but really, we know that spiritual life is as close to our everyday life as the beating of our heart. it is as vital to living as taking a breath. the true power of the resurrection takes place the instant we choose to accept his victory over spiritual death. so every time we feel such pain it brings us closer to your heart, makes us more like you. it equips us to comfort and love others in such a place. so equip me Lord, because i certainly don’t feel capable to love selflessly when all i see is myself.