Sunday, January 23, 2011

Trust: Continuing the Journey

Thank you so much for going with me on this journey toward Trust. I've enjoyed sharing the experience.

Here's a quick recap of the past three weeks:

I don't trust God.
I've created a false image of God
I am afraid of not having money
Trust: Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
I live in a "Culture of Affluence" and I'm not okay with that.
I must write to worship God; I worship God with my writing
I love Jesus, writing, kids, reading, music, and coffee; but these are not the reason I write. 
Trust: What's Your Angle? Part Two

So I've the established the "I am"s but today I wanted to share with you the "I am going to"s (though I refuse to call them resolutions).

I am going to... learn to trust God.
I am going to... learn to see God as He is and as He would have me to be.
I am going to... learn to live free from my circumstances.
I am going to... break free of my culture and climb over cultural barriers.
I am going to... write His words with my voice.

And here's a new one:

I am going back to Haiti. Soon.

If you'll reach back with me to day one of this journey you might recall this statement. Or not. It doesn't matter, I'm pasting it here.
"I can’t help but wonder if, lately, God just hasn't allowed me to feel the dead weight of my faith. I wonder if He’s letting me feel the pain of an unfulfilled calling and an empty gospel. I wonder if He’s letting me see the way He would have me to worship Him."
I will occasionally mention the kids you can sponsor through Compassion International and World Vision and I also talk about Haiti quite a bit. These are things that are very close to my heart, I love these ministries and I've been telling people for a while now that my dream job would be work with a similar organization to help bridge that gap, caused by our culture of affluence, between sponsors and the children they support. Of course I'd do this wherever God sent me.

But I want to go to Haiti.

Haiti is a beautiful tropical country in the Caribbean ravaged by corrupt and broken governance, ignorant and unsustainable farming methods, empty superstitions, and objectification and exploitation of children and the poor. These problems have been amplified by perennial hurricanes and a devastating earthquake in 2010. It is also less than an hour's flight away from Miami.

The people of Haiti have a ragged history of slavery, tyranny, and a desperate fight to find and preserve their cultural identity. They are downtrodden, but they are resilient.
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Isa 35:3
The people of Haiti don't need to be bailed out. They don't need charity. They need people committed to standing with them as they strengthen their hands and feet. They need true compassion and long-suffering love as only Jesus can offer.

I've wanted to go back to Haiti since the moment I got on the plane back to Miami. But I've let it remain one of those things that "couldn't" happen. Until recently.

A few months ago I was presented with an opportunity to study abroad for a month this summer in Switzerland. This 4 week study on intercultural communications and tourism included trips to Munich, Paris, and Florence.

Heck. Yes.

It also cost over $4,000 plus airfare to Switzerland. Oh...

But I knew my God was a God who provided and this was a big, shiny, exciting door in front of me, so I decided I'd go ahead and knock. Yet, as I walked my way through the process, more and more I had a sense that maybe this wasn't something that should be part of my life right now. As I experienced greater levels of general unrest. I began to be more sure that, though my heart was to bridge cultural gaps, taking a tour of Europe wasn't where I was going to learn how to do that. Not this time.

Fortunately for me, that shiny, exciting door stayed firmly closed so I was saved from having to voluntarily decide not to go to Europe. That honestly makes me happy, bruised pride notwithstanding.

Because I want to go back to Haiti.

More importantly, I truly believe this is where God wants me to be. This is how He wants to teach me to Trust. This is how He wants to teach me to be free of my circumstances.

I am so unbelievably tired of living my risk-free life and filtering God's plans for me on my terms. I am tired of not trusting Him. I am not sure how I'm going to learn to really trust Him with my life and I have no idea when, for how long or by what means I'm going back to Haiti.

But I'm a-going!

Thanks again for sharing this journey with me.

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