If you know me at all, you would probably not choose "simple" or "reliable" as a descriptor. I gather complication and chaos into my life as others accumulate salt shakers or lost puppies. I have suspicions that this has to with some innate need to control and create order in my environment, but I only took two psychology courses so I can't be sure. At any rate, the hobbies, causes, and commitments roll on in.
What you may not know is that there is another part of me that craves simplicity, thus my obsession with Thoreau and vandwelling (stop laughing, Mom!). This results in an ever-frustrating cycle of do-and-abandon. I'm forever jumping on bandwagons and geting hair-brained ideas only to get bored with them or forget about them a few days later. A you can imagine this also means that there are many half finished projects stuffed on my "closet." But no matter how many balls I have in the air or how many self-improvement projects I take on, here is this nagging sense of suspended flux (if such a thing exists!) as the drive to complicate and "do" wars against the desire to simplify and simply "be." It's a waffley mess of inconsistencies and it's absolutely maddening!
Since I quit bible college early back in 2006, I've been less comfortable with this tendency to leave things incomplete, this habitual unreliability. Ostensibly, I had quit school because I had enough "idle" preparation and was ready to roll up my sleeves and jump into the fray. I then proceeded to have the worst summer of my 21 years. It was full of pain and huge challenges, much of which, I believe, was designed by God specifically to show me just how un-"ready" I was to take on the world. God has been breaking me down and allowing myself to break myself down ever since.
I'm four years into the process and it's a slow one. Slow because I keep building it back up (why do we do that??). I've come to understand that a crucial piece to learning and growing efficiently is the ability to listen and to see. To see what is going on around you as well as how you're responding to it. You must also be able to hear and see God's insight and purpose. One cannot hear with cacophony of white noise created by busyness.