that's the sound of the change jingling around in my life. if you would like to see a perfect example of the "love-hate" relationship, I must say that my attitude toward change is a pretty good resource.
change excites me, it invigorates me. but like physical exercise, though the prospect is a promising one and the first few minutes are indeed energizing, generally my eyes lose their vision and the work becomes a hopeless drudgery. there is a part of my conciousness that knows that, if i will get my eyes off of my "momentary light affliction," then i will be able to see the "exeeding and eternal weight of glory." alas, the misery in my flesh cries out for relief and i quit the race, not realizing or not believing that my Lord was standing there with a water-bottle full of grace in his outstretched hand.
to the present. the Lord has been stirring some changes in my life over the past year and especially the past several months. this is exciting but i am quickly passing through the invigorating stage and promises of the upcoming drudgery are whispering about the edges of my mind. i find myself wondering if i am going to, once again, quit before the goal is realized.
of course the enemy immediately sees these chinks in my armor and orders his archers to fire. generally my shield of faith has been sagging listlessly at my side and the fiery darts exploit my doubts, which are developing into full grown misery and resentfulness.
thank God that He is faithful and reminds me to raise the shield and thwart the attack with my faith-the faith He has authored by His own hand. Furthermore He urges me to draw out the dusty sword that He has given me, the promises of His own Word which releases the power of the Spirit of God in my life!
and still, i can hear these promptings and urgings and turn away. i am able to tune them out and nestle still further in my miserable uncertainty or worse try to compensate for my lack of faith by erecting rickety human plans doomed to burn in His trying fire if indeed they do not collapse before.
God forgive me for replacing faith with my silly plans and hiding my face in fear rather than raising up the sword you've given me. thank you for your promise, thank you for your Word and your very own Spirit. Your loveliness and power overwhelms me and washes away my fears and doubts. keep my eyes upon your prize. and bring on your change. jingle, jingle...