i despise myself sometimes. but i am fearfully and wonderfully made. chosen and set apart.
i have been running so much over the past several weeks that this morning i determined to sit in silence before the lord. the silence succumbed to the voices of necessity...to my random thoughts...to sleep. somehow expressing how humble i think i should be before the LORD does not yield humility. speaking words of awe recognizing the inherent mightiness of my LORD does not yield wonder. i have to believe that going through the motions, that the desire counts for something.
oh LORD i do love you, why is my heart not filled with love? i long for your grace and sufficiency, why am i not filled with strength?
truly you are a faithful God and you incline your ear, its enough to just know its true.
"how long, o LORD? will you forget me forever? how long will you hide Your face from me? how long shall i take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? ...but i have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice IN YOUR SALVATION.
i will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." ps 13